I don’t want any games, I don’t want to waste my time going no where. I want it to mean something. It doesn’t have to be forever, it just has to be important. It doesn’t have to be the most important thing, but it needs to be important. It has to have value. It has to be something that doesn’t take work, that we know by looking at each other, that starts with friendship and grows over time until we know what we should do. It needs to be silently sitting watching the sun set over the see where not a word needs to be said. It needs to be unanimous. It needs to be clutter-free. It needs to be easy, uncomplicated. It needs to be comfortable so I can be quiet. It needs to be daring so I’ll try something new. It needs to be fun but not tiring. There needs to be music. There needs to be food. There needs to be wine and chocolate and movies. There needs to be time away. There needs to be respect and understanding. There needs to be complete independence. There needs to be no question, no fear, no expectation, no disappointment. It doesn’t need to be all good and no bad, but the good and the bad need to be mellow in their own way so neither digs too deep. I don’t want to be loved. Not physically or emotionally or mentally. I just want companionship and closeness. It needs to be honest, clear, transparent. It needs to be funny, because I’m not at all. It needs to be humorous so my clumsiness will be acceptable. It needs to be light and easy to escape from, no more of those heavy addictive pulls on my heart. He has to know me like I know myself, he has to see me as I want to be seen, he has to be soft and patient and understanding and so very very wise. I need a companion. Someone I don’t ever have to admit my feelings to. Someone who will just hold me and walk with me. Someone who can be in the background and still be supportive. Someone who doesn’t need me to promise forever. Someone who won’t make that promise to me.
I think my wish might be coming true
Not sure if I feel like puking or making out…. Definitely don’t want to actually do either of those…. End result of my latest drug experiment
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